Holding on

Ronna Detrick’s post today called Holding On is ringing all of my bells. Oh yes I know this feeling. Sadly I have more of these edgy, dark, slippery days than of the sunny ones, and I want desperately to reverse this ratio. Sadly for me holding on sometimes does feel desperate, perhaps because I’ve been to the really dark place and am so afraid of going back. Perhaps because I am terrible at being out of control. Maybe it’s because I just don’t know how to trust myself. I don’t know. But I wish I had Ronna’s wisdom about knowing that the holding on place will pass, about having the trust and confidence in myself to weather it and the deep knowledge that I have the strength to stand on my own.

Perhaps that is the challenge of the next X years for me. Who am I kidding, perhaps? It is clearly, very clearly, that challenge. The universe is shouting it at me and I am trying my best to listen. May I learn to hold on without panic, to trust in myself, to know that I am good enough and strong enough to walk through the dark places.

Many of you?

Isn’t it funny the way I start with “many of you…” … as if there were, in some alternative universe, in fact many of you??