Most men have more courage than even they themselves think they have. – Lord Greville

Oh how I wish I could believe this! Instead I am swamped today with insecurity and doubts. I am livid at myself for walking in the race – I honestly can’t get over it and I am then also pissed at myself for being so annoyed about something so small. The squirrel in my brain is running itself ragged on its round treadmill, that’s for sure. It occurs to me that while I am not at all competitive about sports in general I am wildly competitive with myself. I’m a middling tennis player and lousy to play with because I just don’t care about winning. Same is true of card games. I enjoy bridge but my favorite position to play is dummy. How different it is when it’s myself I’m competing with, though – I am shocked at how angry I am that I didn’t do better and that I walked. Dad says its the Puritan in me, which suggests this is inherent and something I can’t change, but if that’s true I think I’m looking at a very long second half of my life!

1 thought on “”

  1. Don’t be so hard on yourself! You finished, and that is what counts. Not many people can say they’ve accomplished that much! There will be other races to run and you can battle the demon of walking there. For now, be happy with your accomplishment — because that is truly what it is! Now go get that squirrel off that treadmill! xoxox

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