Tomorrow is Gracie’s fourth birthday. Poppy just came over to say hi and he told her, very somberly, that it was her first perfect square (4). I remember so vividly hearing about that when I was 9, and when I was 16 – was a nice moment of generations moving forward and many things staying the same. Gracie started her day by presenting her (third!) CES birthday book to Jenifer. She then celebrated with her class with cupcakes and a big “4” candle and after school we opened a big present from Grandma & Grandpa. The present is a toy veterinarian’s office which is fabulous – right now it’s about 400 plastic parts and a big manual which seems to be written in Japanese but I am optimistic about its future as a favored toy. Tomorrow we’re going to head to New York (“Nork” to Grace) and have Magnolia cupcakes with Alexandra, Cameron, Margot, and Hadley in the afternoon before practicing at the rehearsal with Gloria & Jim. Big agenda for car ride: writing my toast!! Very challenging. How to find the perfect funny and yet also deeply touching story that encapsulates all I have ever felt and loved about her. That’s impossible! I’m sure I will draw on some Ms Iwakuni and Exeter stories to illustrate how wonderful and loving and wise a friend she’s been, for some 16 years now (another perfect square)!!! Will certainly blog upon our return from New York with highlights from the festivities. In the meantime, am in my standard happy-sad state regarding Gracie turning 4. Four years ago I was in wild, intense labor with Matt (and Megan) standing staunchly by my side. We thought John was about to die. The economy was going into the crapper. The sniper was terrorizing Washington. How far we’ve come – and yet how much remains the same. The world’s uncertainties continue to cause me great fear and anxiety, but I guess I grow increasingly comfortable that that’s just a (not particularly charming) facet of who I am. This final picture shows “Today we are celebrating GRACIE’s birthday!” on the blue room whiteboard – for some reason that really got to me today. Lump-in-throat stuff.

We’re heading into the second week of Matt being in India. But the good news is that he’ll be back for the big fiesta at the end of this week: Gloria and Jim’s wedding! The children’s outfits are all ready (though I’m going to need to chop Whit’s toes off to fit into the shoes … oh well, an early lesson in suffering for beauty) and I have about a thousand and one things to do tomorrow to get packed and organized to hit the road. I am so looking forward to seeing many old friends from Princeton and from Exeter. We’re going to have tea at the Pierre with Hadley and Alexandra to celebrate Gracie’s birthday (Thursday) most of which she’ll spend in the car. Saturday morning we’ll cruise home hopefully in time for Gracie the firefighter to attend James’ Halloween party at the Harvard Museum of Natural History with the TPT family.
Last weekend was the Head of the Charles and we had a blast at my alma mater’s tent. A photographer came to take pictures for our Christmas card (this picture destined for a silver frame and Daddy’s stocking). I can actually see for the first time that Gracie and I do in fact look alike.

“How are you different from your mother?”
“I hope, in as few ways as possible.”
This from Studio 60 this week.
Have been thinking about mothers and daughters. Cracked open my thesis last night (had to dust it off first). The photograph of Georgia O’Keeffe’s hand across her bare breasts still gives me shivers. Procreativity and creativity. Photo at right is three generations of Eldredge women at Thanksgiving 2002 – one month old Gracie represents the end of the line for the red hair, apparently. I am pretty sure I don’t want Gracie to want to be just like me, but I think all the time about what it means to do right by her. I organized a Planned Parenthood event yesterday morning about how to talk to your children about sex – it was incredibly thought-provoking. Mostly because I realize now and then that Gracie (and Whit, eventually), will grow into a full-blown person; the responsibility of this is pretty daunting! I am so conscious of wanting Grace to grow up to be a confident woman, secure in her place in the world and sure of herself, physically, emotionally, intellectually. I don’t have any answers yet but I know the road ahead holds a complex amalgam of closeness and separation. As Letty Cottin Pogrebin says, “We mothers are learning to mark our mothering success by our daughter’s lengthening flight.” How to manage the myriad tensions between identification, longing for intimacy, and letting go … this will be one of the primary tasks of my life.

What a fabulous morning at the Shady Hill Fair with the stool. The highlight was unquestionably watching James, Charlie, and Gracie dance to the middle-school rock band. The three of them had their own mini mosh-pit going. The band was playing songs that to them were probably from olden times, AC/DC, Led Zeppelin, G&R, and to us are the classics. The children danced like crazy people, enough that as you can see in the picture above random strangers were photographing them. It was downright hilarious. Benjamin, Will, and Whit tried out some moves as well. Watching the children play together, and observing their comfort with each other and with all six of the adults reminds me yet again that this is, and these people are, truly the core of my life.

Now it’s time to wax philosophic about the TPTs … how lucky I am to have found this group of women in Boston. My mother always used to say that the friends she “had her babies with” were the enduring ones – a special tribe – and that’s the case here. I count 16 babies in 4 years, and another one to come this winter … wow! Who else can I call to discuss weird rashes, the composition of spit-up, or Grace’s wild, excorcist-like moods?
We are nominally a book club, but we all know we’re really a drinking club. And a very deep set of friendships. The holy grail has been achieved: we are all friends, our husbands are all friends, and our children are approximately the same age. I knew these friendships were the ones my mother was talking about when I was sitting at Will Lavallee’s christening, and suddenly realized: wow.
I guess I am counting my blessings this week, and one long list of blessings is the wonderful women this world has introduced me to. So much love!