Naive

I have a rugged faith in the goodness of the human heart, a defiant sense that people are good at their core. I may come across as sarcastic sometimes, but I am not cynical. Fundamentally, I believe that people are trying their best and that if they stumble it is not out of any bad intentions. I really do. I try to assume the best rather than the worst, and generally I am proved right.

This faith has been tested lately. In August I found a web designer through a blog that I like. The designer is here: Eclectic Whimsy Designs. I contacted her and she responded quickly and we had a great dialog back and forth. I immediately liked this woman over email, shared with her many pictures that I wanted used in my blog design, and felt that she “got” me. Our emails bounced back and forth and I felt genuinely excited about a new design for my blog.

She asked me to pay her and I did, sending a check through the mail. During the last week of August she emailed me and said she would have something to show me by the weekend. I was ecstatic.

And then, silence. I have emailed her probably ten times since then. I connected with her friend through their etsy shop, and asked whether this behavior was characteristic. Her friend said no, it was not like Shawn to take money and walk away. I asked for Shawn’s cell phone number and I called her. She did not respond.

I am so deeply disappointed. I am shocked, actually. It is not about the money so much as about the fact that there are people who would behave like this. Also, about how wrong I was about her: I genuinely felt a connection with this woman, a real relationship. I am not often so utterly wrong in my assessment of other people (a skill that is a big part of my “real job”).

I feel naive and stupid for having so misjudged this woman, and for being so shocked that there are deceitful people in the world. How sad that I could be surprised by this! I suppose it is just a little chink in my faith in people, one step towards the cynicism that seems to overtake most people as they grow older. I don’t like it though. I want to fight this oncoming negativity, want to keep believing in the essential goodness of people. I am sad that this kind of negative energy exists in the world, and disappointed both in my own judgment and in a woman who I thought seemed very genuine and real. Am I wrong to be so upset?