Are we worried about this? I am facing my gender biases bigtime. Whit is now massively attached to his little pink baby.

I finished Special Topics in Calamity Physics. Man is that a weird book. But some fabulous passages:

I told myself that everyone – at least everyone fascinating – had a few scars.

He was always getting something off the ground, his act together, his hands dirty, the show on the road, someone’s goat, the message, out more, on with things, lost, laid, away with murder. He was also always taking charge, the bull by the horns, back the night, something in stride, someone to the cleaners, a rain check, an ax to something, Manhattan.

Always have everything you say exquisitely annotated, and, where possible, provide staggering Visual Aids.

“Very few people realize, there’s no point in chasing after answers to life’s important questions,” Dad said once in a Bourbon Mood. “They all have fickle, highly whimsical minds of their own. Nevertheless. If you’re patient, if you don’t rush them, when they’re ready, they’ll smash into you. And don’t be surprised if afterwards you’re speechless and there are cartoon tweety birds chirping around your head.”

In the end, a man turns into what he thinks he is, however large or small. It is the reason why certain people are prone to colds and catastrophe. And why others can dance on water.

I was without a plan, plum out of ideas, at a loss. Even within fifteen minutes of running away from home, unmooring oneself from one’s parent, one was struck by the vastness of things, the typhoon ferocity of the world, the frailty of one’s boat.

We are under an invincible blindness as to the true and real nature of things.

Had the most lovely evening on Friday with Anna and Millie. I haven’t seen Millie in at least a couple of years and her energy and spirit are always contagious. She’s been at HBS for a week and her stories from the experience were hilarious. Anna was up for the day as well and we had lots of laughter about children, friends, business ideas, breastfeeding, and a million other topics. Good for the soul all around. Picture above is from our reunion in June 2005.
As usual when I am with my dear friends I come away wondering why such brilliant, intelligent, passionate women choose me. I am humbled by the people I am close to, over and over. I wonder if the day will come when I learn to trust their judgment?
Week 3 at Providence was excellent. Headed back to New York this week which I am looking forward to – the team in New York is fantastic: impressive, warm, friendly, engaged in the process and strategy of recruiting. The headhunters are likewise fun to be around and I know I’ll be spending a lot of time at Lever House.
Still, I feel unsettled and restless lately. The clocks have turned forward, we’ve resolved Matt’s job and my job, and as of yesterday we had good school news (we will be staying in Cambridge – HOORAY) and yet I don’t feel at peace. I remember an email exchange with Jeri years ago in which I described a certain restlessness of spirit as just inherent to who I am. But I think sometimes the amplitude of this restlessness is wider than the band within which I’m comfortable. The question then is how to still it, dampen the oscillations, in order to get back to the steady state.

“Living fearlessly is not the same thing as never being afraid. It’s good to be afraid occasionally. Fear is a great teacher.” -Michael Ignatieff

“Few men during their lifetime come anywhere near exhausting the resources dwelling within them. There are deep wells of strength that are never used.” -Richard Byrd

The inmates are running the asylum.

Whit refuses to eat anything that grew in the earth but ate TEN donut holes this morning.
Grace has a panoply of good new words that she mispronounces:

fur-nah-do – the tornado that is apparently coming at any minute

slosh – the frozen, super-sugary beverage/snack she wanted at the movie theater (no dice)

Sah-punzel – Rapunzel, her favorite book

I am laughing out loud alone in my living room, while simultaneously wiping tears from my eyes:
Catherine Newman’s blog today gets it again. I am thinking of to-do lists past and present, which speak to the same schizophrenia I have referenced before with regard to the contents of my (enormous) bag or my music taste:

pick up drycleaning
buy organic milk
meeting with GSB private equity career liason
post on ebay
meetings w blackstone, carlyle, TPG and bain equivalents
get choos re-soled for party on friday
reference check on candidate
headhunter bakeoff decision?
yoga
trunk show for gracie – matching outfit with whit for pictures?
paint color for hall
manicure
read PE report matt sent
circulate CES board minutes
PPLM guest list?
order monogrammed towel for new baby Brennan

etc, etc, etc. I’m pretty sure this wildly divergent list of interests and demands is a universal thing, whether or not one has children, a husband, a job, blah blah blah. It’s just plain entertaining, regardless. I’ve also learned about myself that I’m actually happier and more satisfied when I have a multitude of flaming torches (as per Catherine’s analogy) in the air, and things get rocky mostly when I’m bored. And I am a defiant list person. I’ll never forget my friend Lindsey Wetzel from Exeter, who once said the key to any good to-do list was to have something on there you would DEFINITELY get done, like “brush teeth.” That made me laugh and still does. I’m not afraid to write something on the list and immediately cross it off, post-facto, as Catherine describes doing.

In other news, Matt is obsessed with his new ipod and insists on walking around the house wearing headphones and listening to it. I feel like I live with a surly teenager. Nice preview of things to come.

PS Catherine’s column from last week about a 3 year 11 month old two year old is pretty hilarious too. I’ve got one of those sometimes-still-a-toddler animals running around here too.

PPS, see photos from this mac’s built-in camera … Kara says this is what we’ll use to SKYPE? I can’t wait!!