Pouring snow. It’s beautiful, and actually totally bearable to me in the same way that getting slammed at work is fine the week before vacation. Hard to believe, though, that on Wednesday evening I was walking in New York in just a shirt.

Grace announced today that she loves Fireman Sam, Peter Pan, and princesses. That seems a manageable triumvirate.

We have a new family member! Catherine Ellen Russell was born on Wednesday and came home today. Can’t wait to meet her this weekend. Grace has been drawing and writing cards for her non-stop and might be the most excited of all.

Driving home from lunch with Annie, Paige, and Brooke, Kenny Loggins’ “Whenever I Call You Friend” came on the radio and I was flooded with memories of Kendall and Charlotte and 402-403 Forbes. The snow kind of takes me back there too, since it was an icy and snowy winter and I was on crutches. I remember Kendall and Charlotte dancing around the room to Kenny singing while I lay in bed … incredible how vivid some of the most tiny memories are. Beattie really did capture it best:

“Who expects small things to survive when even the largest get lost? People forget years and remember moments.” (Snow, from Where You’ll Find Me)

VEGETABLES

The day went from zero to sixty fast. I met Steph and Elizabeth and their respective progeny at Full Moon – I wanted to see Eliz before she took off for Natches and also wanted to see the shirts she is selling. Bought matching shirts for Matt & Whit.

Then home to an evening of vegetables. The organic bin was big last week and I had a lot to deal with. So I made potato leek soup, with shallots thrown in for extra leekiness, and also creamed spinach, and pan roasted broccoli, and toast with avocado and melted cheddar on top. Pretty much more vegetables than I’ve had in a month. I think I did my part to stave off scurvy, at least for a bit.

In other news, I used the word frisson in conversation today. Top that.

Are we worried about this? I am facing my gender biases bigtime. Whit is now massively attached to his little pink baby.

I finished Special Topics in Calamity Physics. Man is that a weird book. But some fabulous passages:

I told myself that everyone – at least everyone fascinating – had a few scars.

He was always getting something off the ground, his act together, his hands dirty, the show on the road, someone’s goat, the message, out more, on with things, lost, laid, away with murder. He was also always taking charge, the bull by the horns, back the night, something in stride, someone to the cleaners, a rain check, an ax to something, Manhattan.

Always have everything you say exquisitely annotated, and, where possible, provide staggering Visual Aids.

“Very few people realize, there’s no point in chasing after answers to life’s important questions,” Dad said once in a Bourbon Mood. “They all have fickle, highly whimsical minds of their own. Nevertheless. If you’re patient, if you don’t rush them, when they’re ready, they’ll smash into you. And don’t be surprised if afterwards you’re speechless and there are cartoon tweety birds chirping around your head.”

In the end, a man turns into what he thinks he is, however large or small. It is the reason why certain people are prone to colds and catastrophe. And why others can dance on water.

I was without a plan, plum out of ideas, at a loss. Even within fifteen minutes of running away from home, unmooring oneself from one’s parent, one was struck by the vastness of things, the typhoon ferocity of the world, the frailty of one’s boat.

We are under an invincible blindness as to the true and real nature of things.

Had the most lovely evening on Friday with Anna and Millie. I haven’t seen Millie in at least a couple of years and her energy and spirit are always contagious. She’s been at HBS for a week and her stories from the experience were hilarious. Anna was up for the day as well and we had lots of laughter about children, friends, business ideas, breastfeeding, and a million other topics. Good for the soul all around. Picture above is from our reunion in June 2005.
As usual when I am with my dear friends I come away wondering why such brilliant, intelligent, passionate women choose me. I am humbled by the people I am close to, over and over. I wonder if the day will come when I learn to trust their judgment?
Week 3 at Providence was excellent. Headed back to New York this week which I am looking forward to – the team in New York is fantastic: impressive, warm, friendly, engaged in the process and strategy of recruiting. The headhunters are likewise fun to be around and I know I’ll be spending a lot of time at Lever House.
Still, I feel unsettled and restless lately. The clocks have turned forward, we’ve resolved Matt’s job and my job, and as of yesterday we had good school news (we will be staying in Cambridge – HOORAY) and yet I don’t feel at peace. I remember an email exchange with Jeri years ago in which I described a certain restlessness of spirit as just inherent to who I am. But I think sometimes the amplitude of this restlessness is wider than the band within which I’m comfortable. The question then is how to still it, dampen the oscillations, in order to get back to the steady state.

“Living fearlessly is not the same thing as never being afraid. It’s good to be afraid occasionally. Fear is a great teacher.” -Michael Ignatieff

“Few men during their lifetime come anywhere near exhausting the resources dwelling within them. There are deep wells of strength that are never used.” -Richard Byrd