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Catherine Newman, yet again, has me simultaneously smiling and crying:

“I don’t know what to say about this — the way I incline towards sadness, latch on to it as it floats past, ride up into its currents. But it keeps me grounded somehow, however paradoxical that may sound…Looking into the face of loss is like a bell of mindfulness for me. This very heart that pounds sometimes with anxiety — this heart is beating! These very noisy children who make me want to fill my ears with rubber cement — they are vibrantly alive! This very full-to-bursting life — well, it’s life, life itself. “

In the spirit of trying to recognize all the good in my beautiful, complicated crazy quilt of a life, I’m trying to count my blessings today. This is timely with Thanksgiving around the corner (did Thanksgiving move up a week? Am I the only person who feels that way?). And given that my children are mostly yelling, screaming ingrates lately, this is a topic I need to infuse our home life with a bit more actively.

Life is full of simple pleasures. A short list:

• clean, ironed sheets on my bed
• cold 20 oz diet coke with lime, out of the bottle
• the mail! (I am irrationally excited by the mail)
• Christmas cards
• having my head rubbed
• occasional afternoons all by myself to do nothing but wander, drive around, think
• peacefully sleeping children
• Weeds and Brothers & Sisters, my two favorite shows on TV
• A new spy/political thriller in hardback from Costco (Baldacci, Grisham, Connelly)
• Acela rides between Boston and New York
• good french fries
• Oyster Bay sauvignon blanc on the rocks
• hot Starbucks venti latte every morning (the thrill of being handed that cup never, ever fades)
• the smell of clean laundry
• the Davis Square farmer’s market
• Ben Harper’s new CD, especially “Having Wings”
• fall light on red, orange, yellow trees (Lacy, I think of you and walking on the tow path)
• the sound of halyards slapping against masts
• the peace and isolation of cross-country flights

Pouring rain, cold, windy. Was feeling a little gloomy from the weather and I suited up in raincoat and tied sneakers and went out for a run in the gale. I’ve always loved running in weather like this, for some reason. I remember early morning runs while at BCG, 5:30am in the pitch black of winter, slipping and sliding on the frozen Esplanade. I must have looked like the michelin man, trundling along in my snow gear, but I always loved being out there.
And indeed, the mood has turned around from the run. There is something, maybe, about asserting my own small power over the bad weather, something about refusing to let the elements daunt me. Saw only one other brave soul out in the storm, but we gave each other a big wave and a knowing smile!
Home now and thawing out, just made chocolate bread pudding to bring to dinner tonight and am feeling much improved. Run in the rain + chocolate = surefire mood improver!

We can learn nothing except by going from the known to the unknown. – Claude Bernard

I was rereading my blog archives the other day and found all the dedications back and forth between Michael Dorris and Louise Erdrich. They move me now as they always have. Last week I found myself flipping through a book of Dubus short stories and saw that Ashby had given it to me, with the inscription that I had taught him always to read the dedication in a book. I’m happy to have taught him that – the dedication is often one of my favorite parts of a book. For today, another set of dedications, these to and from Anne Sexton:

“To the one with her head out the window, drinking the rain.
To the one who said me a lullabye over the phone.
To the one who, divining love in this rocky terrain, has made it her own.”
George Starbuck, dedicating Bone Thoughts to Anne Sexton

“My beautiful kind Blessing, my discovered love … In the midst of everything you do you can know you are utterly loved … I survive by sitting and thinking of you.”
James Wright, to Anne Sexton

“I want to say a plain say of love, of my love … You are not the man of my dreams. You are my life.”
Anne Sexton, to Kayo Sexton (1963)

Last weekend with Gloria. We had so much fun. A special celebration of Glo and Jim on this eve of their one-year anniversary … I remember this night from last year so vividly! Wow. That has flown by.
Gloria is one of my oldest friends – it’s incredible to think we’ve known each other more than half our lives now. There are so many phases of life that she’s been a part of, from Exeter to Princeton to many different stages of our adult lives. It has been a particular joy to watch Gloria form real and close relationships with my children – Grace especially just adores her, and wept after she left. She follows Gloria around like a smitten puppy – in our Exeter 15th reunion class photo, Grace was smiling broadly from Gloria’s arms, nowhere near me.!