Found this old photograph of Grace. I love it. She is not a circumspect child but she seems careful here, wary. Simultaneously 3 and also much older, looking out through what look like very wise eyes to me.
Grace
Independence
Grace did three independent things on Independence Day:
She biked four blocks home from a walk, well out of adult sight.
She walked home from Biege’s house alone, two blocks down Main Street, including crossing the town’s main street.
She swam, with Matt, out to the second (and furthest away) raft at the beach.
These must have had cumulative effect, because by the time I watched her, a tiny waving speck on the far away dock, I found my heart in my throat. It seems so imminent, her walking away; as much as I encourage her independence, often to the point where I worry about the message I send, I also feel keenly her movement away.
I don’t think I live vicariously through my children, but I definitely do fear the passage of time, and of course growing children mark this in a visceral, indelible way. I celebrate Grace’s every achievement and new milestone and simultaneously say goodbye to a stage of life I will never have again.
Today, like many days in these Adventures in Parenthood, I am both proud and sad, in a powerful, sometimes choking cocktail.
Raining in Marion
Raining. Again.
On plus side I slept until almost 8 when Grace crept into my room to ask if she and Whit could go downstairs and watch TV. And wonder of wonders, she knows how to turn it on herself. Somehow between that first TV watching episode and now the TV stopped working, but it gave me a few minutes alone in bed this am so I am not complaining.
My very anal daughter, who takes after her very anal mother, made her bed this morning (see above). She apparently has an instinctive aptitude for hospital corners. I am so proud. I cannot cope without making my bed in the morning: a well-made bed is the first step in an orderly life.
In a bit the three of us are going to go see Up. I’m looking forward to it and so are they. After that I’ll have to consider what to do with the yawning black hole of an afternoon in Marion in the rain.
Wednesday night: wine, hydrangeas, barking dog, and random thoughts
In Marion with the kids tonight. It has been an hour since I put them to bed and there has been some bed hopping and a lot of coming out of their rooms to complain about the “car noise”? What? I think three cars have driven by since we got here. Though there is a dog going nuts in the next door yard. So nuts it makes me wonder what he is witnessing.
I am uninspired, so I thought I’d provide some random trivia from the last little bit in my thrill-a-minute life. I know, it’s been hard to survive without this information; I’m sorry for holding out on you.
- The highlight of camp for Grace is definitely lunch in the cafeteria. She is beyond excited about the fact that she gets to pick up a tray, walk through the line, collect her lunch items. There is, I’m told, no choice, but if you don’t like what there is on offer (so far I have heard about hot dogs, noodles, chicken nuggets, and pizza) there is always PB&J available. (And I heard about the exiled children at the nut-free table, where Whit will no doubt enjoy life next year. All he needs is headgear to be super duper cool.)
- The other highlight is computers. This is definitely the best part of camp for her. Am going to consider the Babson computer camp Amy told me about as soon as she is old enough!
- In between the cafeteria and computers, they must be listening to Kiss 108. Because tonight, after Scooby Doo was over and she and Whit were staring out of the windows in the back seat, I heard her singing under her breath. I thought, “No, that can’t be right.” and asked her, “Grace, what are you singing?” Turns out I was right, and she belted, “All the single ladies! All the single ladies!” Beyonce. Luckily she was strapped into her carseat as I’m pretty sure there are some moves that go with the song.
- Am looking forward to the WWII vets walking in the extremely classic, defiantly old-school Marion 4th of July parade. Makes me cry. Every. Single. Time.
- This is a big birthday week: Hadley, Kara, Mum, and Tom Cruise. Kara, you made me cry with your incredibly sweet email about the birthday card. Love to you all (except maybe not Mr. Cruise).
- I am a Twilight quitter. I raced through #1, enjoyed #2, slogged through #3, and quit after about 80 pages of #4. Luckily it took Anna four sentences to fill me in on the (frankly creepy) denouement of the plot.
- My knee has been diagnosed as a “woman problem” and I’m in rest-ice-aleve mode. Two solid weeks without a run today. Still limping. Sure hoping this turns around fast as I’m going to go out of my mind.
- Soundtrack tonight: “Still Crazy After All These Years,” Paul Simon; “You and I,” Wilco, “Let it Be,” Paul McCartney live version, “There Will Be a Light,” Ben Harper.
(yes, Whit is still here too. Am sure there will be stories tomorrow.)
Gracie girl
Gracie girl,
No matter what, despite my mistakes big and small, spectacular and mundane, I adore you.
I always will.