Trust, faith, belief, and religion

What does belief mean?  What does faith mean?  I am pretty sure that these are not the same as being religious in the conventional sense of the word, but I’m also sure there are large swaths of overlap.

These questions floated around the room this weekend as I looked out my office window at my tree and noticed the faint swelling at the ends of the still-black branches that tells me they are moving towards spring.  I know that swelling will grow, eventually bursting into bright green bloom, in a riotous assertion of new life that will surprise me, as it does every single year.  Why was I thinking about faith, about belief, about religion, as I looked at the tree branches?  I don’t know but somehow it seems to make sense.

I’ve often had moments of deep emotion, as inarticulate as it is undeniable, a sensation that feels like my spirit acknowledging something external that is its equal in power and mystery.  Very often these moments come over me when I’m observing the natural world, as I did through my window, or when I’m outside in it, for example sitting in my favorite cemetery or running in the pre-dawn darkness.  The feeling, as I’ve described it before, is the sense equivalent of the sound of birds’ wings flapping or of lines beating against masts in the wind.

These experiences of startling awareness also form constellations around each of my children: they’ve occurred at each of their births, in their shadowy, nightlight-lit bedrooms, and at other, random moments throughout my life as their mother.

Sometimes this sensation does float over me in a classically religious setting.  I’ve felt it at church, particularly when riding the swells of a congregation speaking in unison.  I had an experience in the crypt at the Assisi Cathedral that I’ve never forgotten, when something buried deep inside my chest stirred.  That day something was agitated inside of me that I am still struggling to understand, and it was connected, I’m sure, to my location deep inside one of the places most imbued with tangible spirituality I’ve ever been.

Moments like those make me wonder about the Venn Diagram that exists between religious fidelity and spirituality more broadly defined.  I know it’s the same feeling, for me, regardless of the setting.  I have spent years trying to put these encounters with something beyond rational thought into words.  It’s brushing up against the eternal.  It’s feeling the chill of what lies beyond this world waft by me, reminding me that each moment is essentially fragile, hugely tenuous.  It’s a piercing awareness of how tiny I am in the universe, which is somehow both immensely reassuring and hugely terrifying at the same time.

What I wondered, as I stared at my tree, is how this – this thing, these encounters, this emotion, this feeling, this bigger-than-me shadow – relates to religious faith.  The fact that it (how insufficient “it” is to describe what I’m talking about, but I don’t know what else to say) has visited me in church suggests maybe it has something to do with it.  The truth is, though, I’m not sure.  I suspect that faith, belief, and trust all spring from the same root, and together form a braid of things I desperately want more of in my life.  While for some people religion may be a synonym for what I describe, I’m also certain that many people who are not traditionally religious know of what I speak.

As I stared at my tree, wondering how long I’d have to watch, without blinking, before I could actually observe the swelling of the buds, I realized it doesn’t really matter.  What I want is the trust, the faith, the belief in something bigger than me, in a benevolent universe, in a design so vast.  What I call it is irrelevant.

Muddling through the middle

“But in my own life, as I grew older, I realized I had only questions.  For a long time this made me feel vulnerable and afraid, and then suddenly, as though I had reached an emotional puberty, it made me feel vulnerable and comfortable… What was more important was that I finally realized that making sense of my life meant, in part, accepting the shifting nature of its sands….A kind of earthquake in the center of my life shook everything up, and left me to rearrange the pieces…As the aftershocks reverberate, I have had to approach some simple tasks in new ways…Looking back at my past. Loving my husband. Raising my children. Being a woman. It is no accident that each of these tasks is couched in the present participle, that lovely part of speech that simply goes on and on and on. Oddly enough, what I have learned…is that life is not so much about beginnings and endings as it is about going on and on and on. It’s about muddling through the middle. That is what I’m doing now.  Muddling through the middle.”

– Anna Quindlen

Thank you to Alisa Brownlow of Keep Calm and Have a Cupcake for sending me this passage, among others from the beloved Anna Quindlen.

The holiness in housekeeping

I love empty, unprogrammed weekend days.  Sometimes we have adventures and fly through the air.  Sometimes we simply hang out at playgrounds.  But most often, a wide-open Sunday contains some mix of errands, laundry, walks around the neighborhood, skating, work email, bill-paying, packing of lunches, and cooking for the week ahead.

And you know what I’m realizing, lately?  Very often, the days full of these chores, of life’s most prosaic tasks, are my very favorites.  Grace and I were walking to the drycleaner and bank last Sunday morning, holding hands as we admired the cloudless blue sky when she sighed and said, “Mummy, I love just hanging out with you.”

“I do too,” I said, squeezing her peace sign patterned fleece glove.

We walked on in amiable silence.  Often, on the weekends, we fall into pairs, with Matt and Whit playing hockey or starting a big Lego project and Grace and I being the errand brigade.

“You know, Grace,” I said as we waited for the light.  “I think it’s great if you can really enjoy these little things.”

“Why?  You mean because if we can think something as regular as a chore is fun, then something big like” she hesitated.  “Like … Legoland, well, something big like that is even better?”

I thought about this for a minute as we crossed the street.  What did I really mean?  I guess it’s that the ability to find authentic joy in the grout I keep writing about seems like a very strong predictor of a life filled with contentment and cheer.  When I see my daughter evincing pleasure in such basic, quotidian tasks I feel immense pride and also a flicker of hope that she will have a happy life despite being freighted by having a mother who’s more shadow than sun.

I suspect this is also about my growing conviction that there is a deep holiness in this housekeeping, this elemental life-keeping.  It doesn’t seem like an accident that in recent years some of the basic burdens of keeping a family going – packing lunches, folding laundry – have become things I do, often, with reverence.  I can’t explain what’s changed, but there’s no question that the most ordinary details of my life seem shot through with meaning, charged with a shimmer of the spirit.

And, finally, just as I exhort my children to simply notice things, I’m grateful for any signs of their sinking into their lives, of their learning to lean into the truth of whatever is, at any moment.  Even when it’s boring, even when it means standing in line at the post office or scrubbing dishes.  There is divinity in that drudgery.  I know there is, and it is a source of grand, enormous pride that my daughter may as well.