It hasn’t been my favorite week or two of my life. The words are running dry and I’m just bone tired. So, I can offer some snapshots from the past couple of weeks, which also reminds me that there were some moments of joy in there.
Whit had minor surgery two weeks ago. Everything went great, though he did have to go under general anesthesia which was not a picnic for the mother who was holding him in her arms when he went under. I don’t really recommend that. Otherwise, he is fine, and we are both relieved it’s over.
Grace and I had mother-daughter bookclub again, where we read a version of the Princess and the Pea. The book made me really thoughtful about what love is, what we all really want from relationships, and how we deal with difference.
I bought several bunches of zinnias to cheer myself up (and to think of you, Hadley!)
I remembered Picture Day this year, and managed to get both kids to school with hair brushed and non-stained tee-shirts on. Victory. And an improvement over last year.
Whit is being Maverick from Top Gun for Halloween. His favorite move these days is to cock his finger like a gun, point it at you, and cluck, as though to say “right on, lady.” He has been doing this for a while, before I decided this was the perfect costume for him. He’s way into it though is insisting that he carry a gun (reinforcing my dislike of Halloween, which I sometimes feel is a holiday that is an excuse for women to dress like prostitutes and for boys to arm themselves). See, I told you he was fine.
One day this week was stunningly beautiful, and warm, and I surprised the kids by taking them for a walk after an early dinner to the ice cream store and then to two playgrounds. I’m trying to remember to be the mother who says yes, at least some of the time.
This one? Overnight, a tween. Second grade, so far, is not my friend. Lots of eye rolling, sighing, and shutting of doors. This is starting already? I am not ready.
Last night’s sunset, from my office window. There is so much that is stunning about this season, yet it remains ineffably sad to me. There is an elegy in the air every single day. As Jo calls it, this season is the dying one, and I deeply aware of that. This is the final, flaming-out beauty of the natural world on the way to death and hibernation, and I see its incandescent beauty through the lens of that loss. Another year turning to its close.
Funny how autumn makes you sad, while to me it feels warm and comforting. I don’t look at it with loss – more like the world is yawning and curling up for a quiet evening indoors as it prepares for sleep. Such evenings here are filled with cuddles and stories, tickles and laughter – evening can be sweeter than the morning.
The fact that plants and leaves die and return to the ground to nourish the seeds of spring – that is even more comforting to me! Nothing is wasted, and even in death the plants have purpose – the cycle of life and nature are awesome and magical to me.
Maybe snuggling up with a book and some hot mulled apple cider would lift your spirits a bit? I’m so looking forward to that, just need to find some cheesecloth 😉
oh lindsey, i feel this post deeply in my body. such visceral resonance. thank you. thank you. thank you. and happy weekend.
Your kids are adorable. Love your son’s pjs.
Autumn isn’t the dying season to me. Everything feels new to me. I guess that’s the remnants from all those years in school.
Paul
Thank you for posting these pictures. Your kids are as cute as they come. The view from your office looks beautiful. And the zinnias…I’m going to have to buy some at the farmer’s market this evening. Even in your not-so-favorite weeks, you’ve shared a little celebration of the good things. Hoping next week is better for you.
Thank you for putting a smile on my face with this post even during a time when you are not feeling your best. Hope the days ahead are lighter ones.
(By the way, images of last year’s picture day post danced in my head the day before J’s first ever school pictures. So thanks for that smile too.)
I hope you find the treasures hidden in the dark.
fall always makes me so nostalgic for my own childhood, so it can be sad to me. i think back on the carefree days of living under my parents roof and i can almost smell fall in Minnesota. I have a definite sense of letting go this season and I also already seem to feel the long days of winter and it hasn’t even begun. I’m ready to slow down though, try to make the time to curl up with a book and nourish my soul.
Maybe it was a hard couple of weeks for everyone — no picnic over here either. You are wise to focus on the moments, to remember that there’s no such thing as charmed life, but there are shimmering, beautiful moments in every single day, if we just remember to pay attention to them. You always do that! And then you share them with us, your lucky readers.
In honour of my late mother’s mantra “don’t postpone joy”, I am in the process of writing a lot about not postponing joy (hopefully more compellingly than this sentence!)
What you have just managed to do here, and what your readers are clearly connecting with, is that joy is everywhere. And it is a worthwhile exercise to take stock. Now. Not later. Now.
Love.
“An elegy in the air” every night. Sigh. Yes. I think it is the melancholy in us that makes this “dying season” the favorite one. There is such comforting beauty in closure.
And Whit? Yep, he’s adorable all right. Caed is going to be a pilot too for Halloween. But seeing as we have prior allegiances, I’m on the hunt for an Air Force specific flight suit. A navy Top Gun just wouldn’t fly in our house. 🙂
Oh, Lindsey, this is breathtaking. I am sorry that you are feeling out of sorts (sick? sad?). I have been absent from commenting but not absent from reading.
P.S. I remember my friends rolling their eyes in 3rd grade and my PE teacher warning me away from them and their eye rolling ways.
I am glad you had a sprinkle of moments that you could reflect upon. Those moments are what makes roughness at least a little palatable.
this was a wonderfully comforting post for me to read. like a sad childhood story before bed, but comforting for it’s truth, it’s rightness.
and I LOVE that whit is being Mav. that is just awesome. and i love your book club picture.
So lovely! Thank you for sharing. And here’s a little tidbit, Top Gun is one my most favourite movies of all time. No joke. I’m not sure what that says about me, but I am kindred spirits with Whit!
I love this look at the moments that made your heart sing. Stubborn heart…always up for a tune.
I love your picture posts. They are beautiful.
I was just telling a friend the other day that at least once a week, I cry when I drop my children (oldest 3) off at school. I told her it doesn’t get any easier as our children grow up, to watch them grow, to continually let them go.
Your family is beautiful, the sky, their yogurt cups, smiles, the sidewalk under their feet, all poetry. Enjoy it all.