A Return to Yoga: Seeking Stillness (and a Stretch)

I have been plagued on and off for the past several months with knee problems. And my lower back and my hips, and everything is tight. I took six weeks off this summer, which, though actually really challenging, did help the immediate situation with my right knee. Just as I was getting back into shape and thinking that my Columbus Day half marathon was in my sights, I got swine flu. No dice.

I’m creeping my way back into running now, but I’m also realizing that these hip and knee and back problems are not going away. Nothing major, but definite aches and tightness. The joys of being 35, I suppose.

This long preamble is to say I went back to yoga on Sunday morning. I used to have a very committed yoga practice. For years I practiced 4 or 5 times a week and it was a big part of my life. Somehow, having children and more time pressure has caused me to drift back to running. And I love running. I don’t think I will ever stop running (as long as I can). I have always thought of running as a kind of worship: it is where I can be still and can think, it is often where I come as close as I ever have to feeling the presence of the divine. I love running around my neighborhood, tracing the changing seasons and the trees, running in the heat of the summer, the rain of the fall and spring, and the ice and snow of the winter.

But with the gradual, persistent issues of tightness in my body I am realizing I need to reincorporate yoga. A little. Now I need to figure out how. So Sunday morning I went. Even though what I wanted was to lace up my sneakers and head out, instead I took my mat and flip-flopped to what turned out to be a very lame class. Still. My body remembers yoga like a long-lost but deeply-buried language. It felt familiar, returning to the poses that I can do from sense memory. It was also humbling, because I am so weak and so tight, so much more than when I used to practice regularly. But it felt good. And so I am newly committed to find a way to practice every week. Or most weeks.

Combining running and yoga is probably ideal for the body (at least my body), but it is also the perfect metaphor for the tension that exists for me between stillness and speed. This tension is central to who I am, I blogged about it last month over at Chicken & Cheese, and I am probably boring you all with my repeated forays into discussing it. I continue to be frustrated by my inability to be still, to appreciate all that is, while also trying to accept and embrace the inherent impatience of my nature, the instinctive way I move forward, quickly, in the world.

The reason vinyasa yoga worked for me early on is that the meditative aspects of the practice were reached only through physical exertion. I know myself well enough to know that the other way around does not really work for me. I did find, though, that a vigorous, physical asana practice allowed my mind to still. Sometimes. For a little while. My first teacher used to tease me constantly about how I fidgeted; he pointed out that in a long pose I always had an itch to scratch, hair in my face, need for water. And he was right. But sometimes, just sometimes there would be a moment where it was just me and my breath. It’s those moments – and some space in my aching, tight knees and hips and back – that I hope will motivate me to return to the studio, at least occasionally.

1 thought on “A Return to Yoga: Seeking Stillness (and a Stretch)”

  1. Hi,
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    More health care practitioners are starting to include yogic techniques in their approach to healing — andmore yoga teachers give a therapeutic intention to their teaching. People who have never tried yoga before are startingto consider including Yoga in their treatment plan.
    As science begins to document the importance of understanding the interrelation of all existing things, it looks to Yogawith an intrigued eye, for Yoga speaks Unity in every word. As yoga techniques are researched and new data is gathered,it becomes easier for science and the medical establishment to understand and accept the benefits of Yoga Therapy.Yet there is still not one consensual definition of the discipline.
    In order to arrive to an adequate definition and tocome up with proper standards for Yoga Therapy, it is crucial at this early stage to properly address some delicateprofessional and ethical issues. At the same time it is important to educatethegeneralpublic about Yoga Therapy'sbenefits and careful use.
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