(visual aid to jar your memory)
Okay, so maybe my passive, indirect post about how I would like to know the answers to these questions but was ashamed to ask wasn’t the most effective. It definitely was pretty classic Lindsey. But I’m trying to push past that. I want to light the fire, with Danielle and more broadly. And I need your help.
Those of you who know me well out there (and I think there are a few of you), I’d be ever so incredibly grateful if you would answer these questions for me. Quickly. I don’t want to be a burden. One of you sent me answers. A most unexpected person, whose answers were thoughtful and reminded me again that getting to know someone through their writing and through the ether can create a real relationship. Thank you, you single answerer of my questions. Please know how very much that meant to me.
Here are the questions. And I am absolutely, stone-cold mortified to publish this post. Really, really scared. Embarassed and ashamed at being so seemingly self-absorbed. I’m sorry.
: What do you think is my greatest strength?
: How would you describe my style?
: What do you think I should let go of?
: When do you feel that I am at my best?
: What do you wish I were less of, for my sake?
: When have you seen me looking my most fabulous?
: What do you think I could give myself more credit for or celebrate more?
I actually intended to answer these the first time, but then I think I was paralyzed by insecure feelings that you would be like, DUDE, you DO NOT KNOW ME! and I think I backed away sheepishly. So, there you go.
What do you think is my greatest strength?
Your greatest strength in MY eyes, which are limited, is that you see the world in such literary terms. You look for connections through writing and prose and poetry. You find inspiration and relationships there. This is all part of a great observance and thoughtfulness about yourself and the world that I think is a huge asset.
: How would you describe my style? Simple, clean, elegant, and unintentionally, organically preppy.
: What do you think I should let go of?
I think you should let go of your guilt for being sad. It is okay to be sad. Your ability to be sad and to acknowledge it will be a gift to your children in some ways.
: When do you feel that I am at my best?
When you feel loved and rested and unhurried.
: What do you wish I were less of, for my sake?
Though I tell you it is okay for you to be sad, I wish you were not so sad. I wish it for you.
: When have you seen me looking my most fabulous?
At Princeton. In the Ivy Taproom. Dancing to "Oh What a Night" or "Take a Chance on Me" with your peeps. You were all so unblemished and at ease. You seemed to float through college effortlessly. You belonged there. I was much more awkward.
: What do you think I could give myself more credit for or celebrate more?
Your awesome hair, your compassion, your thoughtful and purposeful parenting, and your happy children.
Stop apologizing for wanting to explore yourself. This isn't self-absorption. I think the mentality that it is is the very thing that provides problems in our culture and keeps people feeling so isolated and thinking they are the only ones struggling with these issues. If more people discussed it then more people would realize how we are much more similar than we are different. If you want to explore this in a more private sense then you could talk to your religious leader, see a therapist, a coach, etc. But you choose to explore these things in a public forum for a reason, right? I don't know you so I don't know that reason. I'm just saying you have every right to ask and explore these things. This isn't a mid-life crisis. This is life. And as a parent I think this is the best thing you can do not just for yourself, but for your kids.
Strength: the ability to offer sincere friendship (as a friend, wife, mother, sister, writer) without false promises or false presence: you are 100% dedicated in your various roles in an honest, you get what you see kind of way. You are neither apologetic nor vain. Inherently dedicated.
Style: fresh. chic. You take care but are not overt. Current yet understated. You wear your clothes, they don't wear you. in every other sense of style I will use just one word: graceful.
Let go of: giving up on a super hot sex life. You are, after all, a red head. I don't know if it is out there for any of us but who's not to try!
At your best: When you can be and inhabit one place with as much of yourself as possible. When I think of you at your best I think of you laughing at something I said or making me laugh.
Less of: unaccepting of the fact that if you choose to acknowledge or inhale the judgement of others, it will affect your sense of self. But I admit that is not truly always a choice and when it is – it is difficult to make.
Fabulous: your wedding day and walking down the aisle at my (2nd) wedding. And in the pictures at the hospital on the day both of your children were born.
More credit: That's a hard one. I think I have to say being sexier than you think.
Strength: the ability to offer sincere friendship (as a friend, wife, mother, sister, writer) without false promises or false presence: you are 100% dedicated in your various roles in an honest, you get what you see kind of way. You are neither apologetic nor vain. Inherently dedicated.
Style: fresh. chic. You take care but are not overt. Current yet understated. You wear your clothes, they don't wear you. in every other sense of style I will use just one word: graceful.
Let go of: giving up on a super hot sex life. You are, after all, a red head. I don't know if it is out there for any of us but who's not to try!
At your best: When you can be and inhabit one place with as much of yourself as possible. When I think of you at your best I think of you laughing at something I said or making me laugh.
Less of: unaccepting of the fact that if you choose to acknowledge or inhale the judgement of others, it will affect your sense of self. But I admit that is not truly always a choice and when it is – it is difficult to make.
Fabulous: your wedding day and walking down the aisle at my (2nd) wedding. And in the pictures at the hospital on the day both of your children were born.
More credit: That's a hard one. I think I have to say being sexier than you think.
Lindsey: I SO wish I knew you well enough to answer these questions for you – and vice versa! I just sent them out to about 8 of my closest friends for a 1:1 with Danielle on November 3. Would love to compare notes with you and…I'm quite certain that you will hear/know just how amazing you truly are!!
I meant to answer these a few days ago when you told me about this and then my "multi-tasking" self got away with me (if you know what i mean!). So here goes and good luck I can't wait to hear about it:
What do you think is my greatest strength?
Passion, energy, honesty and the ability to express yourself so beautifully
How would you describe my style?
Raw, intimate, clean, fresh
What do you think I should let go of?
Your insecurity – you are amazing and you don't know it! You just have to let go and love yourself. I know I make it sound so easy… You care so much about other people and everything that it hurts.
When do you feel that I am at my best?
I don't know you well enough to answer this one, but I would love the chance to figure it out
What do you wish I were less of, for my sake?
Less critical of yourself. Less conflicted.
When have you seen me looking my most fabulous?
Whenever I see you. You are gorgeous.
What do you think I could give myself more credit for or celebrate more?
You are so accomplished as a writer, a friend, a mom… I wish you knew that. The fact that you share so much of yourself with so many people is incredible. I wish I could even begin to give to Samantha what you just wrote to Grace on her birthday.