The dream that is living me

(iPhone picture of Nantucket sunset)

I adore this post of Meg Casey’s, The Dream that is Living Me. I find it so reassuring, because while I feel major shifting going on in the deepest parts of me, I also realize my external life looks the same. It is heartening to hear that despite feeling like I am, as she says “swimming against the current,” things may well be moving, albeit slowly, in the direction that I want.

The way I want my life to look floats like a gossamer scrim in front of my forward vision, taunting and inspiring me in equal measure. I know what I think I want – is that progress? – but have no real clarity about how to get from here to there. Still, I have a very real sense of the tectonic plates in me shifting. Sometimes, in fact, I feel like I am only moments away from an earthquake. I need to stop beating myself up about the fact that everything looks the same on the outside, and honor the shifts, either gradual or abrupt, that are happening internally.

I say all the time, “I am getting there …” All the time. Thank you for the reminder, Meg, that there is no such thing. There is only now. As usual, I struggle to honor the now because I tend to be caught between wishing for what was and fretting about what will be. And in so doing, I squander the only thing I have of real value in this life: my time and my attention. I imagine that it is only by surrendering to the now and trusting in the tiny movements that add up to the “current that carries us” that I can get to where I want to go.

So, thank you, Meg, for reminding me to be here now, and for reassuring me that despite outward appearances all of the internal work that I feel like I am doing is not for naught.