This morning at the BB&N family sing-a-long. Grace was called on to request a song and received loud parental approval when she chose the crowd favorite, “Snow Pants.”

Have some thoughts on this column by Judith Warner. As Grace confronts new challenges at school and internally, I find myself in the position of being unable to see clearly enough to help her precisely because her demons and mine look the same. How to get the space to be a useful comfort to her? How to help her struggle with and tame these challenges, when I myself haven’t learned to do so yet?

One of the fundamental principles of my parenting (which I’ve been heartened to have observed back to me by others) is that I try very hard to give my children room to be themselves. I try not to over-program, over-coach, over-coddle. Mine are the children who, after a fall so spectacular that the other playground parents wince, dust themselves off with a cheery “No blood!” and go about their play. And yet with Grace the strong identification hovers like a shadow, threatening to swamp all of my efforts and good intentions.

She is not me. I am not her. I know this, and just need to remember it in the moments when what is on Grace’s mind is uncomfortably familiar. It’s nice to hear from someone I respect as much as Judith Warner that I’m not the only one facing this work.