Month: July 2008

All from the summer of 1993 on Cape Cod

Any questions?

Sun through clouds, last night. July is here, in her thick, humid splendor. The farmer’s markets are overflowing, the days of tomatoes and corn are around the corner, and I wear only flip-flops. The air is heavy and the sun is hot and the children are exhausted, falling into dead sleep by 7pm. I am feeling restless and porous, am trying to be patient with myself, to simply hold onto what I know, to keep walking, and to trust that the rest will be revealed. This is not to say that I am unhappy; in fact this has been a tremendously happy, relaxed week – just that I’m aware of much unresolved under the surface. While it will likely never be a major strength, I am pleased with a growing sense of comfort in just letting things be, a declining need to constantly push the bruise of uncertainty in my psyche.

“I was breathless and frightened by the frailty of miracles, and full of the fact of our lives.” -Pam Houston

“And I would answer you… that to prepare the future is only to found the present.. for the sole true invention is to decipher the present under its incoherent aspects and its contradictory language… You do not have to foresee the future, but to allow it…” -Antoine De Saint-Exupery

As long as my children as this thrilled with a blow-up pool in their back yard (“yard” – the pool takes up 1/3 of it) I feel I’m doing something right. I want to raise children who are delighted by mundane things, who are easy to enchant, who find joy in the littlest treats. Today, it feels like it’s working.

On the way home from camp today.

Me: “Who did you play with today, Gracie?”

Grace: “Oh, everybody.”

Me: “Everybody?”

Grace: “Yes, they fought over me today. Everybody was saying ‘play with me! play with me!'”

Me: “Really, Gracie?”

Grace: “Yeah. X used to be the big hit at camp but now it’s me.” Deep, dramatic sign.

later

Grace: “Four plus four is eight Mummy.”

Me: “Great, Grace! You are on your way with math. Exciting!”

Grace: “Yeah, I like math.”

Me: “Math is fun, Grace. Now we have to work on sounding out your words and you’ll be reading soon too.”

Grace: “I guess so.”

Me: “Reading is so awesome, Grace. What do you think my favorite thing to do is, when I have free time?”

Grace (shouting): “Read!”

Me: “Right.”

Grace: “Wait, I thought your favorite thing was to nap?”

I give up.