Gratitude has been on my mind. The Lamott quote, I love, plus the familiar one that “Gratitude is one of the least articulate of the emotions, especially when it is deep” (Felix Frankfurter).

There is so much I am grateful for! The challenge is remembering that, and letting the awareness of my own blessings temper the bad moods that come and go, often with the regularity of a sine curve. Today is gloriously clear and cold, it’s Lacy’s birthday (happy birthday Lace!) and Gloria’s blog has already made me blink back the grateful tears of someone who knows they are not alone in the universe. I had a wonderful evening last night with dear friends, a happy conversation with Quincy on the phone this morning, and my children are healthy. I am grateful for those few people who really know me and for their consistent support and love; also for the ways they make me a better person every day (you know who you are).
Running this weekend, Josh Groban’s words filled my heart thinking of you: you raise me up. I don’t know much for sure (less and less every day! Is this just a symptom of maturity?) but I do know this – I wouldn’t choose an easier course. I am grateful for those who accompany me on this complicated journey – it’s not a smooth ride, I know, but I hope it’s interesting. And I hope you will stick with me!

This needs to be enough to buoy me when the sadness that I carry around like a cape feels heavy. This is my challenge, I realize: to trust in the gratitude, to trust in all the things that I know are there when the world feels heavy on my shoulders, when my toxic insecurity raises its head. They do say naming something is the first step, right? So now I know what I need to do. Next step: doing it! Advice and wisdom welcome.