Halloween. Yep, still hate it. My aggravation that it’s an excuse for women to dress up like whores has morphed into an irritation that it’s an excuse for boys to be violent. One mom told me her son said he didn’t care what he was for Halloween as “long as he had a weapon.” Ohhhh-kay. As I escorted my female firefighter around Beacon Hill, I was also surprised at how little progress we’ve made. She was met at almost every door with a perplexed series of comments: “A fireman! Oh, no, a firegirl … a fireperson?” … does it matter? But, Grace and Whit had fun, and that’s the point, I guess. (now what to do with the enormous bag of candy?).

More substantially, lately I’m definitely feeling that whole life-without-skin feeling. I swear these little people have made me even more emotionally aware and vulnerable than I was before (and those who know me well know that’s a tall order). I often feel like one of those people who have issues with sensory overload; mine is just emotional overload. The smallest and most unexpected things bring me to tears and give me that pit of the stomach sensation. I was at a private school open house last weekend and as the headmaster told the story of Orpheus and Eurydice I sat there with tears rolling down my face. Viewing the kindergarten classrooms and hearing about the school’s pedagogical philosophy made me want to sob. I can’t quite explain why; somehow Grace and Whit have made me feel the passage of time a hundred times more keenly, have provided a tangible marker of how quickly life flows by. I am so aware that this is a blessed and unique moment in my life, and somehow I am not experiencing the moment enough, not living with as much joy as this time should merit. The cliche is right on the money: the days are long and the years are short. And, with my predisposition towards introspection, it doesn’t take much to throw me overboard into the ocean of considering what I want to do with my short time here; where I want to spend and focus my one precious life.
As usual I rely on the words of those more articulate than I:
“Put your ear down next to your soul and listen hard.” – Anne Sexton (near and dear to my heart, she is)
“Your heart often knows things before your mind does.” – Polly Adler
“We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us, how we take it, what we do with it – and that is what really counts in the end.” – Joseph Fort Newton
“The unendurable is the beginning of the curve to joy.” – Djuna Barnes