dear friends

McCosh 50

McCosh 50. This week’s PAW has a great article with quotations (below) that came to life in McCosh 50. It is the building’s 100th anniversary. The article made me think about the many moments at Princeton that were in that space. I think often of how space must hold memory, somehow.
McCosh 50 was where much of Princeton’s academics started – I took both intro Econ classes there as well as Literature 141 with Victor Brombert. I still have some of the essays from that class: “The Mistress and the Intended: Two Women in Conrad’s Heart of Darkness,” “Tadzio as a Timeless Figure in Thomas Mann’s Death in Venice,” “Motion, Statis, and the Journey Towards Self-Discovery in Homo Faber.” How juvenile and young those titles seem! Ah, freshman year.
McCosh 50 was also the site of unforgettable moments, both happy and sad, with the love of my Princeton years.
I love the quotations that the PAW includes in their celebration. The breadth of topics, the combination of provocation and reflection, the variety of speakers all speak to what I consider some of Princeton’s essential qualities.

“There can be nothing more disruptive of our success in every great area of foreign policy than the impression … that we are prepared to sacrifice the traditional values of our civilization to our fears rather than defend our values with our faith.” – George Kennan ’25 speaking about foreign policy and the McCarthy era, March 1954

“The object of all science, whether natural science or psychology, is to coordinate our experiences and to bring them into a logical system.” – Albert Einstein, in his lectures on relativity, May 1921

“I say to you that in spite of the fact that I have all the reasons in the world to give up on humanity, I won’t … Despair is never an option.” – Elie Weisel, September 2005

“We began to prove about 20 years ago that women can do what men can do. Now it must be demonstrated that men can do what women can do.” – Gloria Steinem, December 1997

“It was like entering a dark mansion. You fumble around in a completely dark room for a couple of years. You bump into the furniture looking for the light switch. When you find it, you move to the next room.” – Andrew Wiles, on solving Fermat’s Final Theorem, March 1995

“I have yet to find a state constitution that begins, ‘We the some of the people…'” – Thurgood Marshall, February 1964

“There is everlasting repetition in human beings. Everything inside of everyone is endlessly different yet endlessly the same … The history of everyone is the history of anyone.” – Gertrude Stein, November 1934

Sarah

You know those rare, special friends who remind you that you are not alone? I am so fortunate to know a handful of these people, whose very presence in this world affirms and reassures me. I spent this afternoon with Sarah (above, at Grace’s second birthday party, pregnant with Oliver, with John and Rosie) and was reminded of her critical importance in this small group. Sarah’s insightful, funny, practical outlook on life as a woman and a parent is as unique as it is refreshing. She’s one of those rare friends with whom I never, ever run out of things to say. I remember one lunch where, already running 45 minutes late because we’d talked and talked, we kept chatting as she was going down the elevator to the garage – we were shouting as she disappeared underground, unwilling to stop talking. There is so much about you, Sarah, that I admire and respect: your profound commitment to both your family and to your individual identity, your passionate pursuit of professional challenge and fulfillment, your relentlessly entertaining and humorous perspective on life’s travails, your candor and honesty about what you find difficult. Of course, a big part of our bond bond is that many of those are the things I find hard too. I remember vividly an email about having given yourself a pedicure while feeding Rosie (as a toddler) breakfast: you were simultaneously applauding yourself and recognizing a certain failure to be “present.” This is a tension I grapple mightily with as well, and I’m glad to share that effort with you.
Oh, what a it is blessing to have women like this in my life – I am so grateful for you, you wonderful, bright, brilliant, complicated women who walk with me. THANK YOU.
I have a new favorite song: Home, by the Foo Fighters. It makes my heart ache thinking about the multiple ways we can define home, of all the places and people that have a claim to such a title.

It’s enough to be on your way

Sunset over Prout’s Neck, September 8 2007 (at Leonora and Frank’s engagement party).
Been a slow few days. Yesterday I had a great few hours at the end of the day solo – drove out to the new Neiman Marcus, poked around, just enjoyed being alone. An incredible treat. Definitely a highlight of the week.
This morning I ran and it was chilly – fall is definitely here. I was not dressed warmly enough, and I got bad chilblains in the shower when I got home. Was reminded instantly of long cold runs at Exeter. Listened to my usual assorment of easy listening and was really digging a random James Taylor song called “It’s Enough to be On Your Way:”

So the sun shines on this funeral
Just the same as on a birth,
The way it shines on everything
That happens here on Earth.
It rolls across the western sky
And back into the sea
And spends the day’s last rays upon
This fucked-up family, so long old pal.

The last time I saw Alice,
She was leaving Santa Fe
With a bunch of round-eyed Buddhists
In a killer Chevrolet.
Said they turned her out of Texas, yeah,
She burned them down back home,
Now she’s wild with expectation
On the edge of the unknown.

Singing oh, it’s enough to be on your way,
It’s enough just to cover ground,
It’s enough to be moving on.
Home, build it behind your eyes,
Carry it in your heart,
Safe among your own.

Don’t know why I like it so much but I just do. It’s a downright beautiful fall day, full blown sunshine and the crispness that is emblematic of October.
Tonight we are having dinner en famille with all three legs of the stool at the Lavallees. Should be fun – we’re hoping for a good picture of all seven children. SEVEN? My God. Even as I write that I can’t quite believe it. I remember so vividly meeting Elizabeth and Robert on Christina and David’s roofdeck on Mount Vernon Street – we had more margaritas than we could count and laughed all night long. I didn’t know then that we’d be laughing (and drinking) nonstop for the next 6 or 7 years – and hopefully many more.

Four Families

Growing up, Labor Day was always about the Four Families. Before we moved to Marion, our family had a house on Point Connett in Mattapoisett that we shared with the Young family (Maja, blonde, and Nella, bride, above). For at least a week at the end of August the other members of the Four Family tribe would arrive and we’d pile into bedrooms and spend our days together. There were Ethan and Tyler Vogt (Ethan the token male above, my oldest friend, one of Whit’s godfathers) and Ann and Matt Moss (Ann in black and white dress). We windsurfed and swam and went for walks and created elaborate song-and-dance shows for our parents. We slept wall-to-wall in the back part of the house and snoozed in the big hammock in the front yard during the day.
These other six children were the extended family of my childhood. They have remained dear to me, though we’ve scattered to the winds as we grew up. The picture above was taken at Nella’s wedding in late June this year. We have seven children of our own now (Andrew, Oliver, and Emma Vogt, Hannah Mead Gilheany, Eden Young, and Gracie and Whit) and the weddings come fast and furious. We grew up in the loose embrace of communal parenting, shared responsibility, and vast and varied experiences.

Princeton ladies

This is the Bouff party crew for this weekend. I am so excited to see Quincy, Allison, Kara, Dux … and to celebrate Bouff’s birthday and the baby girl en route. Nothing better than time with dear old friends (especially ones who like their wine)! With the Exeter reunion last weekend, the Princeton ladies this weekend, and a huge Boston-area-TPT dinner on the 19th, it’s a regular celebration of my beloved ladies lately!

A few random quotes to close (on this glorious day) as I take the children to Bertucci’s to meet Christina, Charlie, and Will:

Adversity does not build character, it reveals it. – Anonymous

What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life. – Leo Buscaglia