“I ain’t lonely, but I spend a lot of time alone.”
Matt told me a while ago that this, the first line of Kenny Chesney’s Better Boat, made him think of me (aside: we are all country music, all the time at our house). I haven’t been able to stop thinking about those words. There’s such truth in them. I don’t think I actually spend a lot of time alone, but it’s definitely true that it is often my preference to be alone. And I am never lonely when I do that. In fact, when I do feel lonely, I have learned that it’s always when I’m surrounded by people with whom I don’t feel a connection. I am literally never lonely when alone.
Sometimes people are surprised that I’m a very strong introvert. There’s never been any ambiguity about my Myers-Briggs type: INFJ. And I’m getting more I, not less, as I get older. Reading Susan Cain’s Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking
The compensating explains a lot about how much I crave being alone when I’m not working. I truly love the people I work with, and I truly love my work, but it definitely demands interaction, attention, and engagement. I am not surprised, therefore, that when I’m not working what I want is to be alone. I want to read, or I want to drive in silence (this is a particular detail of my life that people find weird), or I want to just be by myself. One of my friends from college recently bemoaned how she was getting plans mixed up because she just wanted to say yes to everything. I quipped that that’s where we were different, because I just wanted to say no to everything. And I do.
Sometimes I worry I’m becoming such a curmudgeon in my old age. But then I remember that for 10+ hours a day I am interacting and somewhat intensely. It makes sense that for me, I need to decompress in the day’s other hours. It’s perhaps unfortunate for the two E’s who live with me (though my 14 year old son is very happy to have me in a room by myself and not talking to him!), but it’s just the way it is. I think they get it. Hopefully they do!
As I get older I am less and less inclined to override my instincts, which tell me to stay quiet, to stay alone, to breathe deeply, to look at the sunset, to build up my strength for the next day. I guess we all just become more ourselves as we age. And for me, that self likes to be alone.
I drive in silence, too! My kids call it a “serial killer behavior.”
Exact same expression had been used here! I sometimes think the truest test of introversion vs extroversion is what you do when alone in car. 1. Call someone 2. Turn on music. 3. Turn on a book 4. Enjoy the silence.