who do what has to be done, again and again


The people I love the best
jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.
They seem to become natives of that element,
the black sleek heads of seals
bouncing like half-submerged balls.

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,
who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.

I want to be with people who submerge
in the task, who go into the fields to harvest
and work in a row and pass the bags along,
who are not parlor generals and field deserters
but move in a common rhythm
when the food must come in or the fire be put out.

The work of the world is common as mud.
Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.
Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.
The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.

– Marge Piercy

I love, love, love this poem which I’d never read before seeing it on Katie Noah Gibson’s beautiful blog.

Things I Love Lately

Becoming the Person You’re Meant to Be – I love this round-up of quotes (all by women) on Cup of Jo.  I love what Dani Shapiro has to say about practice, Stevie Nick’s observation on the primacy of grace, and Patti’s Smith’s reminder that it’s good to be alive.  (thanks to Amanda Magee for drawing my attention to this list).

The Gift of Presence – This piece, by Parker Palmer, asserts (far more beautifully) something I’ve been saying for a while: sometimes the truest manifestation of friendship and love is simply abiding.  Staying near someone. Offering our presence, and our attention, and our love.  Not our advice or our attempts to fix (as well-intentioned as those usually are).

To Insist That Sorrow Not Be Meaningless – I read and love everything Dani Shapiro writes, but this piece struck a particular nerve. Maybe it’s because right now feels like a somewhat sorrowful time.  Maybe it’s because I’m keenly attuned, right now, to meaning in all its forms.  Maybe it’s because it’s gorgeously written. No matter.  Read this.  Twice.

I’m coming to the end of a relentless Linda Fairstein binge (I really can’t get enough of the Alexandra Cooper series – for example – Death Dance: A Novel (Alexandra Cooper Mysteries – it hits the precise same part of my brain that loves Law & Order SVU).  I’m reading Peggy Orenstein’s bracingly-named (and -written, frankly – scary, and powerful!) Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape now.  Next up is Katherine Ozment’s Grace Without God: The Search for Meaning, Purpose, and Belonging in a Secular Age and Katherine Wilson’s Only in Naples: Lessons in Food and Famiglia from My Italian Mother-in-Law(disclosure: these are Amazon affiliate links).

What are you reading, thinking about, and loving lately?

I write these Things I Love posts approximately monthly.  You can find them all here.

A conversation between grief and celebration

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These photos were taken 10 years ago last week. Do I feel heartbreak when I look at them?  Absolutely.

I’ve been listening to Krista Tippett’s marvelous On Being podcasts when I run.  Most recently, I heard her interview David Whyte.  It was this assertion that struck me, more than any other:

An elegy … is always a conversation between grief and celebration.

I heard this and stopped in my tracks.  Yes.  This is my life at its core.

Whyte goes on to say this:

This is another delusion we have that we can get — take a sincere path in life without having our heart broken. And you think about the path of parenting, there’s never been a mother or father since the beginning of time who hasn’t had their heart broken by their children. And nothing traumatic has to happen. All they have to do is grow up.

I shared a photo on Instagram a week or so ago in which I quoted from Hope Jahren’s beautiful Lab Girl.  “I have learned that raising a child is essentially one long agony of letting go.” Some of the responses made me feel gloomy and maudlin.  Is life as a parent an agony to me on a daily basis?  Absolutely not at all.  Is the letting go that is at the core of parenting an agony to me?  Truthfully? Yes. Every single day.

Parenting, and life itself, is a conversation between grief and celebration.  For me.  I’ve described parenting as “an endless alleluia and a constant goodbye,” but naturally Whyte finds more powerful, beautiful language to share the same emotion.  Grief and celebration, intertwined, inextricable, throwing both light and shadow into the corners of every day.  Indeed, indeed.

I know for sure that my journey through this life is limed with heartbreak, and it’s reassuring in a deep, being-seen way to hear David Whyte say that that’s true for all of us on the “sincere path.”  Elegy has long been one of my favorite words (I described my work in an old proposal as an elegy for what was and a celebration of what is).  In David Whyte’s hands it takes on even more nuanced meaning.

Do I wish I could live in way that involved less darkness, less grief, less heartbreak?  Yes, I do.  But the fact is I just don’t think I can.  At 41 I’m learning all the things that cannot change, and my fundamental orientation towards the world – open, aware, porous, sensitive – is one of them.  I’m heartened and reassured by Whyte’s words, and they make me feel less alone.  Which is, of course, the highest praise that writing can garner, in my opinion.

The conversation between grief and celebration goes on.