My head is swarming with thoughts today, sadness and exhaustion and fear and hope and inspiration and a whole lot of other less articulate but very powerful emotions.
I’m utterly unable to parse them right now, or to speak coherently about what is going on. So I will choose instead to write about something I know about. Friendship. What is it to be a friend. And I know there are a lot of ways, as many as there are people.
I saw one friend this morning. A friend I haven’t seen in a while, a friend I feel close to but who is not a part of my everyday life. My friend is a smart, sensitive, thoughtful, grounded woman and I value her opinion. And today she reminded me of one of the best, truest ways to be a friend there is: she just heard to me. As we sat in the morning sunshine, drinking coffee, she bore witness. She was fully there as she listened to what I talked about, patiently and without judgment, interjecting opinions here and there. I thought all day about how rare and generous a thing it is, what a gift, to simply witness someone else. I’m surely not as good at that as I’d like to be. My friend today inspired me to try harder.
She asked me a question about the mind-body connection that I’ve been thinking about all day. She pushed me on the more fundamental causes behind all of the physical issues I’ve had lately: colds and flu and bad knees and bad backs. She believes, as do I, that much physical malaise has a spiritual and emotional connection. I don’t know that I know the answers to her questions yet, but it is clear to me that my persistent illness is a symptom of a complete lack of boundaries. Literal and figurative, my body is too porous to the outside world.
She spoke, too, of her life, what is on her mind and in her heart. Careful, thoughtful relating is of course an important component of friendship. But today was struck me was her patient hearing of me. She just heard me. And that was a blessing whose power she didn’t realize.
There are myriad ways to be a great friend and I am fortunate to have many people who are this to me. I have learned and grown through some friendships, I have flourished and pushed myself in others, I have been comforted and supported in still others. Today, my friend, with her calm and patient listening and hearing, was just the kind of friend I needed.
Thank you.
I like the idea of the mind/body connection, and that your body can be too porous. I have been sick in one way or another for almost four weeks. Unprecedented. I so rarely get colds. My body is overwhelmed. My mind is lost. I am glad for you for your friend. I think I may search out one of my own. Thank you.