Random Wednesday Morning

My immune system needs help. Help! The children have been back at school for a mere two weeks when I came down with a nasty flu. Started coughing on Saturday, and by Sunday night I felt lousy. This is day three in bed and I’m starting to feel a bit better but still not great.

I know. The universe is shouting at me to chill out. I get it.

But I don’t like it. I do have Dan Brown’s new book and a huge stack of magazines, a fan blowing on me and clean sheets on my bed. Under other conditions that would be almost the definition of heaven to me (well not Dan Brown necessarily, but my foggy head doesn’t lend itself to anything more challenging).

I’m struggling to let go of the half marathon I wanted to run on October 11. No way can I do it now without this week of training. Alas. I know there will be others. Letting go is harder for me than pushing. I am slowly – I know, dense, dense, and denser – realizing this. In all aspects of my life.

Trying to let go while simultaneously not swamping myself in deep metaphorical thoughts about why I am always sick. What it says about my not having defenses, about my armor being broken down, about weakness. I feel like I am sick all the time. Why? Why can’t I be tougher, stronger, more resilient? What do I need to do differently?

Let Go.